I've recently started dating this really cool girl and so far everything is going great. I like her a lot. As soon as the relationship starts to become more serious, however, most girls will want to know every detail about your previous sex life, and they'll start asking things like "How many girls have you slept with?" So my question is, what is the best way to answer this? I know that the number of girls I've been with would sound a lot to many women, even though for some guys it might not seem that considerable. Should I just be honest and tell her the truth, or should I lie and say that I've been with less than I really have? I don't want to apologize for having been with a lot of women in my life. I've never cheated on anyone and I've always treated them with respect... I've just had some fun playing "the game", like many others.
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Edited: 22 Apr '12, 21:40
Asked: 28 Jan '11, 00:06
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It's a trick!
It takes a peculiar kind of insecurity for a girl to want all these details early on (or at all) and you should equally consider this information to be private in any partner or potential partner of yours.
As for 'answering' the question, regardless of your actual experience, simply avoid the question and make a joke. Let her believe what she wants. What does she want? Well, society is telling her she should be with a nice, clean, modest gentleman. Her ovaries are telling her to find the most virile, experienced male she can. Giving actual numbers cannot help.
Some sample answers:
"More than you... unless there's something you're not telling me?" "Definitely more girls than boys." "Ask me again in the morning" "I lost count... at least three... I'm not sure..." "From my bedroom technique it might seem like a lot, but actually I learnt everything from wikipedia."
Make a joke and change the subject. If she keeps pushing, you have to get to the bottom of why she needs to know, help her sort out that insecurity rather than feeding it.
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Answered: 29 Jan '11, 21:21
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I'm going to have to agree with all the answers pertaining to 'joking' about the question itself.
It clearly is a redundant fact to find, as yes, she is satisfying her own insecurities by knowing yet it won't free her mind either way.
Enough advice has been given on the appropriate response; however for my two cents, whenever I am asked how many women I've slept with, I reply with:
(Jokes - Only use to break the tension) - "Today?" - "You tell me, number 86" pokes nose playfully - I'm not sure, I'm not exactly one of those guys that puts notches on his belt... I'm far too sophisticated for that.. By the way, say Hi to the camera!"
(Honest- I tend to only use these for girls who I want to see more but don't want to tell) - "I've had enough to know what I'm doing" - "I could ask you the same thing. Lucky for us, neither of us care" - "Ask me again some other time"
An interesting fact to note; girls may find a sexually rampant male socially unacceptable, but a well-experienced male is actually quite a turn on. A low number will often prompt thoughts of "Oh what if he doesn't know what he's doing? What if he's really bad? Why is the number so low? What if he expects more from me? What if he judges me for it? What if I don't like him afterwards?". It prompts so many more questions, I hate to agree but it is best to avoid the question if it's a low number.
High numbers on the other hand generate a significantly more positive review in the female's mind, namely; "Well he must be good if plenty of girls are willing to sleep with him", "I wonder how much he's learned. I'm in for a wild night". And no, I'm not suggesting you should be telling girls you're a raging stud, simply so they'll be thinking this in your bed. After all, with many sexual conquests, comes many potential STD's :P
A final thought; discretion is best at the best of times. If you like her, it's best not to set a precedent of hiding information from one another, especially if you plan on seeing her in the future. I don't agree that it's something couples should feel obligated to disclose, but if she's got her mind and heart set on finding out, you may need to bite the bullet eventually. And whatever you do, DON'T try to explain yourself. No matter what the number is, you don't need to make excuses for her, or justify your actions. If the number is insanely high (or even like.. over 50) you may need a failsafe in case she freaks out. One of the few acceptable explanations may be (for low numbers); "I was in an exclusive relationship for a year/however long." (again, only if this is true).
But in the majority of cases I've found, leaving the woman wanting that piece of information sustains an element of sexual intrigue, and will leave her wanting to get into your pants (if she hasn't already) all the more. Discretion gentlemen, discretion.
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Edited: 18 Nov '11, 19:03
Answered: 18 Nov '11, 19:00
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Ask her if 'girls' include female animals and that should do the trick.
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Answered: 28 Jan '11, 06:27
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I think that you have to be honest with the number, try to avoid the subject if you are just getting to know each other. If you lie with this, she will find out one way or another and it will end up worse.
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Edited: 30 Jan '11, 01:15
Answered: 29 Jan '11, 20:17
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I always tell that I'm a virgin, they know that is not true but the stop asking.
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Answered: 31 Jan '11, 21:23
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No girl needs to know exact numbers unless she has some insecurities and for her to push for the answer would definitely ring alarm bells, a past is a past, what difference does 7 to 700 make to her now? Dont be honest, don't lie, just say it's not anything she needs to know, she can make her own mind up about you with many other aspects other than 'your game'
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Answered: 01 Feb '11, 09:02
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One of my buddies used to always just say 8.
My buddy JT (who was 20 at the time) used to always just say my 3 ex girlfriends and 2 randoms.
My buddy Pinstripe used to always say "When I was younger, I wasn't exactly sure what I wanted so I slept with a bunch of girls. And now? Now I'm older and I'm here with you, so that doesn't matter."
No matter how many it is, if you break it down to how many per month it averages out to (IE that's only 1 every 3 months) it will make it seem like a lot less (of a big deal).
Hope this helps.
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Answered: 15 Nov '11, 21:08
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I think you also have to look at what you want this girl to be in the future. If you see a future with her (which it seems from reading your post that you do) then do not lie to her for starters.
There are several tactics I have taken in the past as this question seems to come up all the time.
-jg
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Answered: 16 Nov '11, 00:22
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Hey Zak,
I would say just tell her. She might be insecure for asking but what the hell who isn't insecure on some topics. This might just be hers.
Honesty.
The best things about being honest is that you never have to remember what you say.
This is a trivial question and it's not that important. Just get it out of the way and prepare for the real question.
Do you love me?
Now, are you going to play a game with this question? Or are you going to be honest? Or misleading?
Honesty is a powerful and dangerous thing. If you can learn to be very open and honest you learn to make the hardest decisions.
For example. I didn't go to work last Sunday, I pulled a no show. My boss had to come in to replace me. Worst scenario ever! She left me a dozen messages on my phone. I called her later in the day to tell her I was not coming in.
On Monday morning I walked into her office like a dog with his tail in between his legs. We sat down and talked.
She asked me why I didn't come to work.
I asked her if she wanted to know the truth.
She did.
I didn't lie and I told her I was too drunk to come in that morning. I almost lost my job.
Two weeks later. I was in her office having lunch with her.
Point is. Be honest. All the time. I like to say that I don't remember what it feels like to lie anymore. But I do. I'm not perfect.
Just be honest. Easy rule is, if you don't ask I don't say. Don't be a dick about it.
Cheers,
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Edited: 16 Nov '11, 14:08
Answered: 16 Nov '11, 14:03
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Never underestimate a good line of BS. (grins like a possum)
Observe: You grasp her gently, pull her close, and gaze deeply into her eyes as you say:
"Honey, how do you expect me to remember other girls when I'm with you? If it was three, it was three too many. I know what I want now, and it's you".
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Answered: 17 Apr '12, 15:23
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